Really Random 2: Hermione's Cat
by yayme2012
Summary: The brilliant minds of Really Random bring you: Really Random 2! Like 1, but more full of Harry Potter...
1. Chapter 1

1A/N: Another random-ish fic with Mexi. YAY!

Mexi's normal, I'm bolded...

Once upon a time, Hermione Granger wanted to become evil, so she got a job at Voldemort, Inc. so she could make millions of dollars and take over the world. Mwahahahaha.

**My turn!!!!! So it was like, MwahahahahooohahahaheeehooohahahaHA!**

And then Ron and Harry came in.

**Into where?**

The girls' place? I don't know? Where she sleeps? So anyways, they went in their and she's all like, "Crucio!" And they were paralyzed for a week.

**So then she had to go to therapy because the school said so. Her psychologist's name was Freddy Bobby Boy(FBB). He talked with a southern ayccent. They talked for awhile. **

**FBB said, "I fear the problems may be stemming from your childhood, most likely your parents."**

**So Hermione Avada-Kadavra-ed her parents.**

Many days later, Ron and Harry woke up. Um, sorry,- wait don't write that- fights over the keyboard

What's the guy's name, the Headmaster? Oh, wait, it's Dumbledore.

**Sarcasticly Naw, it's Stumblesnore.**

So Stumblesnore came in looking very gay, saying, "Oh no Hermione turned evil!!!!!" dramatically and crying.

"Oh, Harry and Ron, save her from being evil," Dumbledore started sobbing on the floor. "I can't do anything, my powers are useless. All I can do is make cookie cake, which is quite good, but it has raisins in it!"

**Harry said in his manly manly voice, "I'll save her! I'll do everything I can... save me a piece of cookie cake for when I get back."**

So anyways, they started going on their way. But secretly, Hermione's cat followed them the whole entire way.

They found a big sign that said, "VOLDEMORT'S SECRET EVIL LAYER- 50 OFF SNOWGLOBES WITH PURCHASE OF PAPERWEIGHT!"

Then Ron said, "I think it might be that way!" pointing where the sign was.

They went there and there was this bridge. The bridge owner stopped them before they could cross.

**"Stop!" he said, stopping them. "You must answer three questions."**

**Harry volunteered to go first.**

**"What is your name?" bridge keeper asked.**

**"Harry Potter," Harry Potter said.**

**"What is your quest?"**

**"To save Hermione."**

**"What's Voldemorte's middle name?"**

**"Um, erm... Oh, I know it! Marvolo!"**

**"Wrong! He legally changed his middle name to 'evil' last year."**

**"NOOOOOOOOO!" Harry screamed as he fell into a pit of doom.**

It's was Ron's turn.

"What is your name?"

"Ronald Weasal- I mean Weasley!"

"Close one. What is your quest?"

"To save Hermione. And get cookie cake."

"What's your favorite color?"

"Pink. No, lavander. Yellow? I'm not sure, all the colors are so pretty-"

"Wrong!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I SHOULD HAVE SAID RAINBOW!"

**Now it was Hermione's cat's turn.**

**"What is your name?"**

**"Meow."**

**"What is your quest?"**

**"Meow meow mreow meow hisssss."**

**"Oooh, that is pretty evil. If x divided by y is the square root of pie- I mean pi- divided by 17, what is x squared?"**

**"Meow."**

**"You may pass."**

So the cat and the bridge-keeper talked as they walked across the extremely long bridge.

"Meow meow," she meowed.

"That's a good goal in life, but my goal is to open a happy smiley candy shop where all the little children run around singing and laughing and being oh so happy happy funny fun fun fun and then eat my yummy gummy candy and then DIE! Moohahahhahaha!" he said.

"Meowhahahahahahaha!" she meowed.

She went up the stairs toward Voldemort's lair. She secretly walked into his room.

**"Meow."**

**"Well, aren't you a cute little kitty..."**

**"Meowcio!"**

**1 hour later, the kitty and Voldemort were sitting down discussing things.**

**"Mmhmm, I see... and you want one month vacation off every year, I see... I'm sorry, but I don't think we have space for-"**

**"Meowvada Meowdavra!"**

**1 hour later, the kitty and Voldemort were signing an employment contract.**

So they sat there, just talking about things, like new catchphrases, what's in in the fashion world, and casual fridays.

"Meow, meow mreow meow meeeeeow," she meowed.

"Okay, I'll try it out. Let's see... EAT YOUR VEGETABLES OR I'LL KILL YOU! Yeah, I think my kids will like it."

Both laugh histerically/insanely.

"Meow meow."

"Oooh, even better. YO MOMMA'S SO DUMB, SHE BROUGHT A SPOON TO THE SUPERBOWL! Mweeeheeeheee."

"Meow meow meoooow."

"I'm not sure about the casual friday thin-"

Cat lifts wand.

"I think it's a great idea! Even the tour guides will like that!"

**"MEEEEEOW!"**

**"What do you mean, why do I have tour guides? I mean, I've gotta make some kind of money. This evil villain thing really hasn't been working out since Potter showed up."**

**"Meow hissssss."**

**"Potter died? Are you sure?"**

**"Meow!"**

**"This is great! Now I can fire the tour guides _and _close down the gift shop!"**

**"Meow?"**

**"Yes, I had a gift shop, can we focus here?"**

**"Meow meow?"**

**"No, you cannot use your employee discount."**

"Meow meow meow?"

"No, what do you mean, retire?"

"Meow meow hissssssssssssssss."

"You'd do WHAT to me if I don't retire?"

"HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS."

10 minutes later, the cat dragged a dead body out of the room.

Yeah, and then the cat sees Hermione, who's the secretary, making out with Malfoy.

Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts...

"I hate raisins!" says the gay, like, Dumbledore, in sheer pain.

THE END

**Mexi, this is NOT the end.**

Fine.

Be that way.

**Is there something wrong with wanting to give our enemi- I mean, our fans- a nice ending?**

Ummmmmmmmm... I... Shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT IT OFF!

**Shut what off?**

Shut up! JUST SHUT UP!

**How can I shut up and write at the same time? Writing is about opening yourself up, not shutting yourself down. It's about being creative and letting all flow and expressing- dang it, I can't write deep, sentimental things to save my life.**

**Oooh. Now Mexi's banging her head against the table. That looks like fun!**

**Mexi. I didn't make that emotional crap up. My english teacher said it. Or maybe it was in a book... Oh, Mrs. BLANK said it. She's our gay teacher!!!!**

Please go back to the story.

**But you already said, "the end".**

Just stop it. And end the story or something. You've already humiliated me enough.

**Mexi-**

What?

**The End**

Shut up! Shut it off! Shut- oh, okay. Bye guys.


	2. SEQUEL!

Did you love Really Random 2? Hate it? Not understand it at all? Then you better check out…

**Really Random!**

And

**Really Random: Christmas/X-mas Edition**

(Posted on ooo.burn's account)


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